I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
