you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
