All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
