Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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