I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
