you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
