aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
