She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
