She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
