I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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