hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
