Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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