i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Pooping to opera.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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