he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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