he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
