We need to rekindle our bromance
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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