That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
