He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
No subtext here. People are naked.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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