By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
