That's intense
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
