Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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