Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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