I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
