i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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