my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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