Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
