maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
