I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
