who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My penis needs a shock collar
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize