If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
