he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
