You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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