i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
