Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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