batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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