smell my finger.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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