just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
