i think my tv is drunk
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
