i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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