omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
