Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
