Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
