I murdered the dance floor call the cops
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
