so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
