Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You've changed since you got that strap on
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
