Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
