I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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