Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
he high fived his dick after we had sex
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
