So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
