it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
