I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
and you fell through a lawn chair
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
