I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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