Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
