So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
