You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
