An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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