It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
