Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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