she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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