Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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