i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
