They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
