The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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