I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
