This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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