hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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