Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
