he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it glows. i had to have it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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