i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize