roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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